JOKES,JOKES,JOKES,JOKES

Three business associates, an Igbo man, a
Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in
through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just
waved his hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the Yoruba man
was, he also chased it away.
Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese
man was and was flying close to his ears. The
Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime
and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and
swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just kept on
eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in
and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time
he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for
sometime and then grabbed it. He then
turned to the Chinese man and asked "how
much you go buy am?"

Hahahahaha!! I just can't stop laughing. This is the awkward Truth About some husbands. A group of men gathered at a church conference on how to live in a loving relationship with their wives. The men were asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All the men raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your wife you love her ?" Some men answered today, some yesterday, majority didn’t remember. The men were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective wives: I love you, sweetheart... Then the men were told to exchange their phones so one can read the other wife's reply to the love message. Here are some of the replies: 1. Have you impregnated someone again 2. That was then, not now 3. You wan borrow money abi? 4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you this time. 5. Meaning? 6. Is that a new song? 7. Am I dreaming? 8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today! 9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.

John: bby am gonna tell u a story with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts Grace: alryt love John: okay am gonna start wth part 1. There was a husband n a wife, they were driving to a camp site wen they came upon a split road. The husband says "lets take the left one. The wife say i thnk we shuld take the right road." The husband slaps the wife across the face "whose driving me or u?" and they took the left path. Grace: hahahahaha.. John: now am gonna tell u part 2. Once they got to the camp the husband goes fishing so his wife can cook dinner. He comes back and the wife says "good now i can cook fish soup for us to eat." The husband says "but i wanna eat fried fish." The wife slaps the husband n says "who is cooking me or u?" and the ended up drinking fish soup. Grace: oh crap! Hahaha John: now am gonna tell u part 4. Grace: wat abt part 3? John: (landed grace a hot slap on the face) who is telling the story me or you?

Ekaitte went to the store to buy a parrot trained in the USA and asks the sales person; "What's so special about this parrot ?" Sales person says: "This parrot is a genius and can answer any question" Ekaitte asks the parrot; "How do I look?" The parrot replies; "You look like a fuckin slut?" Ekaitte gets pissed off and tells the sales person that its a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it despite it was trained in the USA. The sales person tells Ekaitte to wait for 2 mins... The sales person takes the parrot to the back of the store and shoves the parrot into a bucket of water and when he pulls the parrot out he says; "if you disrespect the lady out there again i'll soak you back in water" and takes the parrot back to the store. Th sales person apologized to Ekaitte and says she can ask the parrot another question. Ekaitte: "If I come home with one man what would you think?" Parrot: "He's your husband" Ekaitte: "Two men?" Parrot: "Your husband and his brother" Ekaitte: "Three men?" Parrot: "Your husband, his brother and your brother" Ekaitte: "Four men?" At this time the Parrot turns to the Sales person and says: "Bring back the bleeping bucket of water I already told you she's a slut!!!" 396 Likes 59 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:01am On Aug 29, 2013

A wife went on holiday leaving the husband behind. The husband got so Hot one day that he decided to try the maid who had just come from Nsukka village and who seemed clever. ... He called the maid to his bedroom where he had taken off his pants, he pointed to his manhood when the maid arrived. Husband: Do you know what this is? Maid: (actin Shy) Yes Husband: Do you know what it s for? Maid:Yes Husband: show me. The maid immediately dropped to her knees held the item with both hands drew closer and opened her mouth. The husband was shivering with anticipation . The maid then began,"My name is Chinasa , I'm 23 years old and I'm from Nsukka. I want to make a shout- out to my parents,mr and mrs Chigozie, my uncle, Broda NnamdI aka' chop my money and MY auntY, MRS IFEOMA, I would also like to tell my boyfriend Johnny that I miss him. Can u play me Ashawo by Flavour Nabania?" Then finally says to the man," Oga,take your microphone I'm through... 263 Likes 38 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:03am On Aug 29, 2013

Never argue with a woman, just use your brains like this my guy. A man went on a night out with his friends the wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him. At about12 o'clock the man comes back and knocks... the Wife tells him "go sleep where your coming from " and the man answered" I'm not here to sleep my dia , I'm here to collect condoms in my room on top of the table or give it to me, there'r lots of women at the party!" The wife opened the door and said "idiot" you are not going anywhere. Enter the house.

Akpos went to an electronic store, he asked the storekeeper "what is the price of this TV?" The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our products to Akpos." Akpos again came next day by cutting his beard and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos". The next day Akpos came with a different face and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our products to Akpos." Finally Akpos got irritated and asked the shopkeeper "how do you recognise me every time?" The storekeeper replied "because this is not a TV it is Microwave Oven!" 190 Likes 32 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:06am On Aug 29, 2013

Naija the only place where Where a man Happily meet a lady and when she goes back to her friends, their only question was "Is the guy loaded? Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note. Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles & Waters sold in Satchets. Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A 'DRIVER's LICENCE' Where Presidents and other government officials don't know the national anthem. Where the Police on a road block makes more money a day than motorist and their owners. Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and yam and others given a chieftancy title for stealing billions and Front row seat in churches. Where we fight for everything. To gain admission to university, to get a job and to enter a bus! 104 Likes 13 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:07am On Aug 29, 2013

My eyes are wet with tears...... Out of laughter...haha hhahhaha read on.... If you are tired of those guys who keep on inboxing U stupid questions,here are some few tips on hw 2 answer them off: Question:"hey beautiful wht r u busy with" Answer: "looking for my engagement ring, lost it" Q:"Hey gal can we meet?" A:"Nope i'm 8 months pregnant, I can't meet anyone at this stage" Q:"Can I knw more about u?" A:"Sure I LOVE MONEY,please send me N5,000 MTN card" Q:"do u hv a BF"? A:"yes we hv 2 kids &

One day at the end of class, a teacher Mr. Ofoka asked the whole class to go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day Mr. Ofoka came into the class and asked for the first volunteer to tell their story. little Suzy raises her hand and was asked to go ahead. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." Then Mr. Afoka asked for the moral lesson of the story. Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." Mr. Afoka also asked for the moral lesson of the story. Lucy replied "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched." The last person was little johnny. Johnny started like this: "My uncle Tedra fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade of his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". Mr. Afoka looked at johnny in shock and asked if there is possibly any moral lesson to his story. Johnny replied, "Don't Bleep with uncle Tedra when he's been drinking!"

Real Stress? You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl. Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take her to a hospital. This is STRESS! In the hospital you are being told that she is pregnant and doctors start congratulating you with the future newborn.You explain that just an hour ago you have seen her for the first time in your life, but she starts telling that you are the father. This is a BIG STRESS already. You require for a DNR analysis and they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently, that actually, you can't be a father since you are genetically sterile (genetically cannot produce children). This is a STRESS, combined with a relief. On your way back home you remember, that you have three kids. That's what the REAL STRESS is. P.S. What do you do to your wife when you get home?

I wanted to use my ATM card but the machine kept on rejecting the card. A frustrated me called my bank help line. Me: (angrily) So what's wrong with my ATM card. Call girl : Sir, I have checked your account, everything is alright here and You should be able to use your card, are you sure your card is not damaged or broken? Me: Are you insane? What are you insinuating? No one takes good care of their ATM card like I do. Call girl: Okay Sir, are you also sure the surface isn't wet or stained with dirt? Me: You dey mad? ATM card wey I dey pet like egg. As a matter of fact, I even laminated it last week when I laminated my Identity card